Monday, March 24, 2014

High Bronze and Beyond - How to treat your teammates (Hint: NICELY!!!!)

There are three fundamental views on how to treat your teammates starting from champion select and ending with a nexus explosion. I'll go over the pros and cons of each.

A. The cheerleader approach. From 5 seconds into the game, you are Mister Positive. You let everyone choose their roles, offer to swap, and fill whatever position is needed. Your one and only function in life is to make your teammates happy, regardless of whether you win or lose.

B. The moderate approach. You follow pick order, and will take your role if you're ahead of everyone else. You're polite and patient, but will yell at people for making stupid mistakes (or what you consider to be stupid mistakes - important distinction here). You try to carry the game for your team, but understand that if you're last pick you're going to be the least popular role in that game. You follow these rules because you know that they also apply to others - So next time, when you're first pick, you will get top for example.

C. The trolly approach. You play league to make yourself feel better. Whether it's because you feel inadequate, or want to let off steam after a hard day's work, or just to show that TWELVE YEAR OLD BASTARD HOW TO PLAY HIS F***ING CHAMPION, you do whatever you want, whenever you want. SCREW everyone else. They don't matter as you'll never see them again. Behavior for option C includes the following:

1. Autolocking mid no matter what even as last pick, even if two mids have already locked in.

2. Muting everyone / saying you're muting everyone in every single ranked game.

3. As first pick, asking everyone what their favorite champions are and then banning them.

4. Offering to swap with someone if they give you Soraka, then never actually swapping.

5. Telling everyone on your team that they need to go back to grade school and get off their mommy's computers because you're giving their parents a call.


Optimally, A. is best. HOWEVER, in Bronze, B is actually best. Why? Because even if you give *every single person* on your team their favorite role and champion, they probably suck the D with them. This means you want to be slightly selfish and pick someone you know you can carry with. Because in bronze people will feed, then rage afk because "their jungler, mid and top didn't gank for them" and suddenly that great ADC you had is masturbating in his bathroom. Or whatever it is 14 year old boys do when they're frustrated, idk. Anyway (yes I had a strange childhood).

What does all this mean? Be nice. For god's sakes, you're only going to see these people once in your entire life. Yes that means you can vent freely at them - and I do that AFTER. THE. GAME. - But during the game.. Why not maximize your chances of winning by making your teammates happy? A simple smiley face goes a long way. :-)


Until next time,


Saturday, March 22, 2014


That's right, I have a LEAGUE WEBSITE NOW!!!!!! I'm so stoked!!!! :D CHECK IT OUT!!!!

Monday, March 17, 2014

Breaking the Metagame and how it gets you out of Bronze

Hey all,

Thought I'd write a brief post on breaking the meta or metagame.

To do this though, you need to know what the metagame is in the first place. You may think you do, but you probably don't. Why? Because most people have this false notion that the metagame is the "best" way to play. It's not.

Here's the definition of a metagame in League of Legends. Are you ready?

The meta is a commonly agreed upon strategy largely viewed to be slightly more effective than all others.

That's it. That's all it is. Not the "best". Not the "only way". Just something people can use as a baseline to get a functional team going within 2 minutes.

So how do you use this to your advantage in Bronze?

Well, frankly, in Bronze, meta doesn't really matter... Remember intermediate bots are, on average, better than your teammates. Let them adhere to the meta. You can then break it and harvest the enemy's souls ruthlessly.

How do you do this?

Be creative. By definition, anything I tell you here could become the meta - it's a public blog. In theory, though.... I could give you one example I use if you'd like.

Jarvan IV + Vel'Koz bot lane.


No support!? NO ADC!?!?!? WTF???

And guess what. It works almost Every. Single. Time. In bronze.

Try it out ;-)

The only downside to this is your teammates WILL BITCH if you fail, or if they notice what's going on. Other than that though it works hysterically well.

Tuesday, March 4, 2014

Bronze Guide Part I - Reposted from LolWiki - New Posts to Come Later This Week

So you're in bronze and you're trapped. You need a way out. You feel like you deserve better and if your teammates would just listen to you you'd be out of there in no time. Guess what? You're wrong.Edit

Why are you wrong, you say? Because it is *YOUR* responsibility and *YOURS ALONE* where you end up in Ranked. If you're in bronze, it's because you're doing something - SOMETHING - fundamentally wrong. Bronze is where new players go to die. If you're experienced, you should be out of bronze within a month. Even if you have a stomach flu and just play  Soraka support 24/7 (cough) err moving on...
So the first question you must ask yourself is why you're losing. If the answer is "my teammates suck" you should stop reading now.

If you're still here, you're willing to learn. Congratulations! You are now better than 60% of bronze players. Welcome to the club. :-)
Now we'll get into specifics because I know you're actually listening.
First off your teammates are going to be worse than most intermediate bots. Honestly. Try a game versus intermediate bots then try a game vs bronzies. You'll lose more often to the bots than the bronzies.
So disregard your teammates and every idiotic notion that spews out of their mouth. They're not worth your time to read, or worse, respond to. Communicate via pings and realize your team will ignore you unless you're fed.
Now that we've gotten all the generic stuff out of the way...

Champion SelectionEdit

No two ways around it. In Bronze you need a hypercarry. This means someone like  Tryndamere Akali Katarina Teemo (ish),  Rengar Kha'Zix Tristana etc. etc. Preferably someone with a reset - everyone builds AD so people die quickly all the time. There are generally no tanks, so burst damage is OP. Especially burst with reset ( Kha'Zix Katarina).
... I'm gonna go work out, I'll finish this later if I get any comments / interest / messages. If not oh well, it was fun to write. :-) Later!!

My Credentials and Why You Should Listen to Me to Hit Platinum in Ranked League of Legends

I am Platinum V in League of Legends. I'll just start there. My summoner names include Satoris IAmRasAlGhul WanderingCrow and Satoriis among others. I've lost count of how many level 30 accounts I have. I find it fun to climb the ranks in League of Legends and constantly challenge myself in each division, for they each play differently and require different aspects to carry.

Why listen to me and not, say, Dyrus or nerfplz's tier list?

I will do something they won't.

I will break down the method of how to carry each and every division.


For you, dear reader.

Good luck getting that anywhere else unless it's on a verbose $100.00 eBook being sold by ciderhelm on eBay ;)

So, to the point: If you want to win in Ranked, if your goal is to hit Platinum, or Diamond, or whatever, take the journey with me. I'm going to take my currently silver 4 account, Satoris, and get him into either gold 1 or plat 5.

I'll chronicle my progress.

In addition to that, I will be writing detailed guides on how to go from Bronze -> Silver, then from Silver -> Gold, then Gold -> Plat.

Maybe even eventually Plat -> Diamond. Who knows? ;)

Thank you for taking the time to read this, and thank you for your support.

Comments are welcome.

I will also be hosting an AMA next week, starting Monday the 17th, after my last professional gaming tournament. I don't like to advertise but I'll be busy playing in a $5,000 gaming tournament this week. And no, you don't get to know where it is, the competition is already stiff at 150+ players ;-)

Thanks for listening, and I will be updating this again soon.

If you want this blog to survive and thrive, please follow and view. If I see my page views stay at 77 when this week is over, I'll probably throw in the towel. =)

If they don't, though... I think I could be starting something fun here ^_^

Nice meeting all of you, and thank you to those taking the journey with me, and learning from it. You are contributing to the League community with your positive attitudes.


Alrighty, time to get serious.

I'm going to write a bi-weekly blog (if not more frequently) about how to carry. We'll start from the requirements to get from Bronze to Silver. Then once that's covered completely we'll go from Silver to Gold. Then from Gold to Plat.

How do I know these?

Post to follow. It will be titled "Credentials".

Saturday, June 1, 2013

Prepping for Ranked Lesson #1: Knowing When Not to Play

I was going to write a guide on how to play ranked today, and chronicle my experiences over the day. I was all set to go, and could have played ranked if I wanted to.

But I didn't.


Because I knew I was in a toxic mindset. I'd had kind of a rough day, and fed hard the night before. I was disgruntled and disgusted with the league community and had lost promo the night before. So instead of playing in a bad mood, I didn't play at all.

Welcome to League Ranked Lesson #1: If you're in a bad mood, don't play ranked.

Let me tell you a story.

I was at 99 points in silver 1, and won my final game. I entered into promo for gold.

I got matched with 3 teams in a row with an afker each game. I was jungle. Mid and bot fed (or top depending on the game) all 3 games were uncarryable. I. Was So. Mad.

What did I do? Continue to play non stop over the weekend.

What happened? This is the kicker, and the part you can learn from:

I lost 26 games in a row. 26. In ranked.

See, I had given up, become toxic, raged at my teammates and fed. I just didn't care anymore and my play reflected it.

No matter how ready you think you are, if you're in a bad mood it's not a good idea to ranked.

Why? Because each game your patience will be tested in some way, shape or form. It may be tested a lot (0-17 bot lane within 14 minutes) and if you're toxic, you'll convince your whole team to surrender vote, make them hate you and probably end up feeding yourself.

I wish I could go back and say "hey, dude, take a break. You'll get there. Now is not the team to try to grind back up to promo".

Well, at least now I can say that to you.

I intend to write one of these a week. More if interest starts to grow.